Chapter Twenty

Terrific Tales From Tibet

 * With a flourish, Aigee draws the magnificent whip out of the little bag.
 * “Hey, where’d you get that whip?” Skimp asked. “Did somebody send it to you?”  Aigee’s Whipping Theme loops over and over at .75x speed. Skimp’s blood runs cold as the Goo Fellow regards him with a horrific smile, brandishing the whip menacingly. 
 * The terrified rat ducks behind Bongo’s big toe to escape from the Goo, who has donned his Klansman robes, becoming the Grand Wizard. “Oh Skiiimp…” Aigee calls softly, smacking the ground with his whip. “Come on out, little child… Papa Goo wants to play a game!” Skimp wimpers within the safety of Bongo’s toes. Aigee’s Whipping Theme accelerates to 2x speed.
 * The cannons fire and the castle is absolutely decimated. The once mighty fortress was easily reduced to a pile of cinders. The sky was choked with smoke and ash. A few of the cultists managed to escape the destruction of their fortress. They run and scream in terror as their stronghold is blown to bits. Suddenly, appearing out of a conveniently-placed bush, a massive siamese cat appears and slishes the cultists apart.
 * Out of the destroyed ruins flies Superintendent Chalmers. “Well, bois, you are some odd fellows, but you steam a good ham.” Chalmers roars before soaring off into the Aurora Borealis in the sky. The bois wave goodbye to the superintendent. The giant siamese cat approaches Bongo. “You must be the animal companion Thgil sent.” Bongo said, petting the warcat’s white head. The cat purred. “I think I’ll call you…” Bongo pondered for a moment, “Garland, Garland Bozia. Or just ‘The Major’ for short.”
 * The Major rubbed her head against Bongo’s outstretched hand and purred happily. James hopped down from the foogle and said, “Let’s get those berries, lads!” she cried, patting Skimp on the back. James yelled up to the crew aboard the SkyFoogle, “Keep an eye on things, boys, we’ll be back!” A frown crossed James’ face as she realized she couldn’t see Sweece Meesely amongst the crew. For the time being, she ignored the bad feeling in her gut and directed her focus back on the task at hand. The bois marched into the rubble, towards the portal to Varenshala’s demiplane. Sensing that an immense, unholy evil was waiting for them within the demiplane, the adventurers quickly prepare themselves for battle then swooce bravely into the portal.
 * Ack! Egads! Zounds! Upon entering Varenshala’s demiplane, the bois spot none other than Grimbo the Kobold sliming around near an altar. Dusty skulls and bones are scattered across the altar, the kobold appears to be in the middle of some sort of dragon ritual. Another bloke was laying on the altar, his body horribly disfigured, with deformed dragon wings and claws sprouted grossly out of his body. Grimbo seemed to be performing some horrific experiment on the man, trying to transform him into a mutant dragon-human hybrid. Kaw can’t believe his eyes. Drawing some rusty chains from his bindle, he rattles them at his former slave and gurgles telepathically, “GRIIIIIMBOOOOOOO.” Skimp, who was never very fond of kobolds, draws his blades and roars, “Oi! What’re you up to, greasy kobold?!”
 * Grimbo’s head snaps upwards like a bolt of lightning. His eyes instantly meet the confused gazes of the bois. His small eyes widened as he recognized the identities of the five fools before him. “YOU!” Grimbo growled, seething madly, pointing a withered finger at his former master. 
 * “Me.” Kaw agrees, lurking forward sinisterly, ready to chain up the little lizard-boi and never let him out of his sight again. Out of his mechanical leg emerges The Whip; it’s time to teach Grimbo a lesson the poor welp will never forget. But it looks like the lesson will have to wait until later, for Grimbo’s dragon ritual is complete!
 * “YOU FIVE WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME.” Grimbo hissed as his tiny kobold body began morphing into the form of a twisted dragon. While Grimbo is transforming, the bois notice that behind him is a small garden. The garden is completely devoid of life, save for a single Malidava Berry. “There’s the berry!” Aigee wailed, his goo jiggling like a vast, dark ocean of purple water. James, upon seeing Grimbo, reminisces on her beloved kobold slave, ReviewBrah. She repeated the words ReviewBrah lived his life by, “Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’.”
 * Grimbo’s sadistic transformation was finally complete. A massive crimson red dragon stood before the bois. Grumbo let out a vicious roar, signalling the bois to ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!.
 * The game abruptly pauses. Everything is deadly silent. Disgusting Daddy DM regards his players sitting around the table with a ghoulish smile. “You know what it’s time for…” he hisses, then pushes a button on his dreadful Chromebook. To the utter devastation of Specey, Slam, Prof. C, Cobb, and Sus, from the speakers of the Chromebook blares Keeper of Lust! The powerful soundwaves of Keepers of Lust blast the bois, knocking them off their feet, slamming them straight into the wall, nearly killing all five of them (which would have been a mercy).
 * Grumbo the dragon laughs manically while wringing his scaly paws. The heroes charge forward, determined to enslave the slug once again. For his disobedience, Kaw backhands his old slave while simultaneously casting Slay Living. Grumbo snarls in pain and Kaw cackles, momentarily letting down his guard. The crimson dragon slaps the laughing tengu-daemon away with his massive tail, slamming the crow out of existence.  
 * Bongo conjures up an Aggressive Thundercloud to zap the living daylights out of Grumbo. The cloud gets a few good strikes in on the dragon, but the beast is too quick and slimy, he slithers out of the thundercloud’s reach. Triggered that Grumbo keeps slishing and sloshing around, Bongo chucks a handful of Snowballs into the fool’s mouth. 
 * Grumbo turned toward the group of adventurers and lets loose a powerful spell, turning Skimp into the deranged monster Skrump. The crazy beast charges forward and quickly slurps down all the potions on the sacrificial table. Skrump is now, undeniably, pants on head. James fishes her jar of honey out of her bindle. Grumbo lurches away from the monk, knowing and fearing the immense power that was within her. James honied her fist then blasted the dragon with a freshly squeezed flurry of booshes. The Major leapt through the air and delivered a massive wallop on Grumbo’s gigantic dragon forehead. “Enough with the chit-chat.” Aigee demands as he gets the grub goin’. He whips out his whip from his bindle and gets to work on the dragon.
 * The invisible pants-on-head Skrump starts scampering all over Grumbo, REEEEing the whole time,  leaving ashy rat footprints all over the dragon’s crimson scales. Gorg The Goo tries to lash the invisible Skrump, drawing a burning crucifix from the depths of his Klansman robes and waving it through the air, but misses the rat, beating Grumbo by mistake in the process.
 * Realizing that in order to defeat this powerful enemy they’ll need to take extreme measures, the Bois begin the Turkey Sacrifice. The five adventurers and giant cat join hands and dance in a circle around a raw turkey that just so happened to be in the room, chanting the name of Lethan, hoping that the legendary Long Fish will appear and join them in the battle.
 * “Lethan. Lethan. Lethan.” the bois chant. Grumbo grows tired of the southern shenanigans going on in the demiplane, he charges forward, ready to rip the bois flesh from their bodies, when, suddenly, a hole opens up in the ceiling. From this hole, a beam of pure energy comes down from the gigantic McDonald’s sign in Lethan’s hand. The yellow beam zaps Grumbo right between the eyes, forcibly ejecting him out of his dragon form. The hole promptly seals itself, and the bois are left to combat the weakling kobold Grimbo.
 * Despite once being a lowly slave that had absolutely zero skills, Grimbo in his base form was surprisingly powerful. The kobold levitated into the air and assaulted the bois with area of effect spells, the greatest weakness of the bois, given that they always crowd around each other. Bongo attempts to rip the pants off of Skrumps’ head but it’s no use, they’re firmly stuck in place. 
 * The battle procedes, the bois giving it their all. But it finally comes to a close when Bongo launches another Snowball at Grimbo. The kobold flies out of the way of the projectile and laughs at Bongo for missing. But, from Buenos Aires, The Major pounced through the air, grabbed the snowball, and slam dunked it right on top of Grimbo’s head, rendering the freak completely helpless. COME ON AND SLAM. AND WELCOME TO THE JAM!
 * Deep within the depths of the surrounding darkness, there echoes a sharp click! Closely followed by the whisper, “...Nice.” 
 * Bongo gave a thumbs up to his warcat, “Nicely done, Major.” The Major pinned Grimbo to the ground. “Any last words, Grimbo?” Bongo asked.
 * The kobold’s tiny eyes unfocus as he replies with an expression of pure sadness, “Shwabble-dabble-wabble-gabble flibba blabba blab. I'm full of shwibbly glib-a-kind. I am the yeast of thoughts and minds. Shwabble dabble glibble glabble schribble shwap glab. Dibble dabble shribble shrabble glibbi-glap shwap. Shwabble dabble glibble glabble shwibble shwap-dap. Dibble dabble shribble shrabble glibbi-shwap glab.” 
 * “Oooh, ha ha ha, mmm, splendid! Simply delicious!” the pants-on-head rogue whispers to himself, stroking his little rat voodoo doll. Grimbo finally bleeds out and dies upon hearing Skrump’s response to his last words. Aigee puts his burning cross on the kobold’s corpse, incinerating it in the name of The Lord. Kaw hastily stomps out the flames with his robotic leg, then devours the body of his slave. He saves the kobold’s severed head, stashing it in his bindle for later. Aigee hisses at Kaw, then trundles over to the malidava berry, the very last of its kind. “My precious!” Gorg slithered the berry into his Bindle Of Eternal Horrors for safekeeping. 
 * “Our work here is done, lads!” cries James. “Back to the Foogle!” The bois swooced out of the demiplane and back to the magnificent SkyFoogle where the crew cheers for their victory. Bongo searches high and low for his old pal Sweece Meesely, but he can’t find any trace of the young Zorendal scout, the bloke was nowhere to be seen. The druid asked Shifflett the whereabouts of Sweece. “Oh, he’s down in the brig, follow me, I’ll take you to him.” Schwifty said. Down in the brig, Sweece is tied to a wooden beam, crying and sweating all over the place. He’s got a few bruises on his sniveling face. The ropes binding his wrists are extremely tight, cutting off the circulation in his hands. One of his eyes is black. His nose is bloody. Judging by his injuries, it appears as though the crew has been having “fun” with him while the Bois have been gone. “That maniac tried to stab me, so I had to tie him up down here!” Schwifty shrugged, looking at Bongo. “Then he wouldn’t stop screaming about trees, and all his dead friends that Skimp obliterated, so we smacked him around a little bit to shut him up!” The goliath, without wasting even a second, backhanded Shifflett with the strength of a thousand giants.
 * “What the hell man?!” the fool cried, squirming around on the ground. Bongo telekinetically lifted Schwifty into the air and slammed his head into the ceiling of the brig, over and over. The rest of the bois and the crew marched down into the brig after hearing the commotion. Ainsley Harriott pokes his head out of the kitchen for a moment, then returns to the dish of Jerk Chicken that he’s preparing to serve for dinner. “What’s happenin’ down here, Bongo?” James asked, eyeballing Shifflett’s bruised head. Bongo explained the situation to the Bois. 
 * “Can anyone see… The Register?” Aigee-Gorg asked to nobody in particular. Arms outstretched, an expression of complete disbelief etched into his gooey face, the Goo Fellow began his unending search for what he calls “The Register”. 
 * Absolutely appalled, the Bois demand that Sweece be released from his binds. “Tree… tree..” the scout whimpers. Though they are reluctant, the crewmates release the Zorendal scout, but as soon as he’s free the lad immediately attacks another man --an elf-- with his knife. The elf screams in panic and retaliates, throwing a punch at Sweece, knocking him flat. “HOW DARE YOU HARM MY CHILD!!!!!” Bongo bellows, grasping the elvish man with his telekinesis and lifting him into the air. “He tried to stab me! I was just defending myself!” the elf squeaks, but in his rage Bongo only hears the blood rushing through his ears. 
 * The goliath slams the elf into Kaw’s Cannibal Closet, much to the tengu-daemon’s pleasure. The rest of the crew lads cower in fear before Bongo’s GLARE. Kaw slithers into his closet to deal with the elf. 
 * Aigee spots a dusty wooden crate in the corner with a faded label that read, “The Register.” Suddenly realizing the intense danger of the situation, Skrump grabs the dusty crate and throws it out through a cannon hole in the side of the ship. The Register falls into the thrashing Soresian waters, forever lost. A disturbing smile is frozen on the Goo Fellow’s face. “The Register.” he repeats. Falling into a catatonic state, The Gorg wanders off and fades away into the woodwork of the Skyfoogle, never to be seen again by mortal eyes. 
 * “HOIST THE SALES, LADS!” James commands, and the terrified crew rush upstairs to do just that. Throwing a scowl at Bongo, Schwifty joins Little Man, Strawberry, and Peaches on the upper deck. “You’re safe now, my child,” Bongo whispers into the ear of the sobbing Sweece Meesely, “The Tree Man is here.”  
 * Sweece sobs harder, “PLEASE KILL ME.” “Shhhhhh,” says Bongo, offering the scout another sapling to comfort him.   
 * Within the unfathomable darkness of The Cannibal Closet, the elvish man lay crumpled upon the floor, frozen in terror. Kaw looms over the lad, merely staring down at him with his lifeless eyes. This stare-down lasts for hours upon hours. Silent tears spill down the elf’s face, for he knows that his inevitable end is drawing nigh. Finally, after what seemed like years of silence, the tengu-daemon suddenly rips open his beak as wide as it can go and devours the elf’s body whole, like a snake. The elf was dead long before he reached Kaw’s stomach. He died of pure fear as soon as the crow’s unhinged jaws closed over him. 
 * To the skies once again, Bongo and the Bobby Hills soar off to Julianus’s cabin in the woods to return the Malidava Berry. During the short trip, Skrump finally took the pants off of his head, once again becoming Skimp. 
 * Upon docking the Foogle at Julianus’s place, Aigee flopped head first off of the SkyFoogle and landed with a SPLAT on the ground. Julianus trundled out of his cabin to greet the gorg. “Ah! You’re back!” he said with a giant piece of dragon meat slung onto the left side of his face. The rest of the bois hopped down to ground level to get a good look at this insane man. Kaw tried to get a taste of his dragon meat, but the geezer shooed him away.
 * “Sus with the swooce, Aigee!” the mad scientist cried as Gorg threw him the berry. Julianus rushed into his lab and brewed up somethin’ fierce alright! Mmm mmm! The bois heard a series of excited giggling and strange shufflings and odd explosions. After a moment or two, the madman returned with a vial of bright green liquid. “Here it is!” Julianus screeched, handing the vial to Gorg, “The Malidava Extract! Look at it! ISS GWEEN! ISS GWEEN!”
 * Aigee accepted the extract from his master and drank. The very instant the liquid came in contact with Gorg’s not-mouth, he began gagging and wheezing like a sick animal. “This tastes awful!” Aigee wailed. Julianus stood completely silently for at least two minutes, a blank expression on his face the entire time. After the silence, his eyes widened and he squawked, “Ah!! But of course it does!! I’ve forgotten the final, most important ingredient!!” he slapped the giant dragon steak onto Skimp, “Hold this for a moment!” before rushing back inside to fetch the final ingredient. Skimp’s body was completely smashed beneath the large, green steak. A small whimper of ”help.” came from under the steak. A moment later Julianus returned bearing the most vital ingredient, a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew Voltage. He poured a small sip of Voltage into the vial and said, “Ah! Delicious! Drink it now Aigee!” his smile as large as the dragon meat slowly crushing Skimp to death.
 * Aigee downed the drink with one big gulp. “Mmm! Tastes great!” he said pleasantly. James pointed to Gorg, “Gimme a review of that extract!” she demanded. Aigee thought for a moment then began the mini-review, “Well, you see, the fact of the matter is, the drink has a bit of a kiwi flavor...” he began to stutter uncontrollably, “Th-th-the fact of the matter is… like I said, it has a bit of a…” he chuckled softly to himself, “A bit of a kiwi flavor. And the fact of the matter is. The kiwi flavor offers a bit of tanginess! And...the uh…….. The fact of the matter is…..bit of a kiwi flavor…” Gorg stuttered on for hours, desperately trying to get his point across.
 * While Aigee sputtered incoherently, James was struck with a telepathic message from an old friend. Her sensei from her homeland of Tibet, Dale Cooper, spoke to James. “James Hurley… you are needed back in Tibet. The Woodsmen have returned. There isn’t much time, my dear pupil. Please make haste.” The message ended abruptly. James suddenly turned to the bois and yelled, “I’M WORRIED ABOUT COOP!” scaring the living daylight out of Aigee, interrupting his energy crisis review. “OFF TO TIBET LADS!” she grabbed the ankle of the fella nearest to her, the stick-thin ankle of Kawkrookitar, and launched the unfortunate lad at least forty feet into the air. Kaw landed into the SkyFoogle’s crow’s nest, right next to Little Man. Without the slightest hesitation, Kaw opened his cracked beak and demanded that Little Man climb in. The terrified lookout screeched at the top of his lungs, which only excited Kaw more.
 * Skimp, still under the dragon meat, immediately gained a brief burst of strength upon hearing his beloved Little Man in danger. “GREW UP ON A SLAVE PLANTATION!” Skimp shouted, launching out from under the steak and straight into the SkyFoogle to put a stop to Kaw’s antics. Klistmar also trundled on up to the crow’s nest, and once again Little Man was nearly crushed to death. 
 * James scrambled onto the ship, followed by Bongo and The Major. Aigee was left on the ground with Julianus. Julianus retrieved his dragon meat from the ground and slapped it back onto his face with a squeal of arousal. 
 * [This is the section where Aigee’s new abilities will be described by Julianus]
 * “Well Julianus, I’ll be seeing you.” Gorg shook his surrogate father’s greasy hand. “Come back anytime! I’d love to perform more experiments on you!” Julianus said. Aigee gave a farewell slurp then climbed back onto the SkyFoogle, ready for adventure.
 * James grabbed hold of the wheel and sailed the Foogle off towards the land of Tibet to answer her sensei’s summons. During the trip, The Tree Man kept a close eye on Sweece Meesely to make sure the troubled lad stayed out of trouble. The bois decided to make a quick stop at Koryn before making the grand trip to Tibet. Bongo and the Bunk beds pop into Maldrek’s Office to discuss some interesting goings ons at Gyystoph’s shop.
 * “That maniac has children locked up in rusty cages!” the bois inform the Field Commander, “And he murdered a grieving family in the street!” 
 * “Do you have any proof of this murdered family?” Maldrek asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well, uh… you see,” Bongo stammered, shooting a glare over at Aigee and Kaw. “Their bodies were, uh, eaten shorty after the murder. But if you need proof about the children locked in cages, just go take a look for yourself! They’re hidden underneath sheets in his workshop!”  
 * Maldrek sighed as he fished a a medium-size sack of gold from his pocket and discreetly handed it to Bongo, “Look, man, just take this gold and keep quiet about all of this.”  
 * Bongo stared down at the sack of money sitting upon his gigantic palm, before slamming it back into Maldrek’s face. “Don’t try to bribe me to keep quiet!” the goliath explodes, coming completely unglued. The Field Commander attempts to convince Bongo that the children Gyystoph keeps locked up are actually changelings, which have secretly infested Koryn. He also explains that the couple Gyystoph killed were also changelings. But the Bois aren’t buying it. 
 * “So anyway,” says Maldrek, trying to sweep the whole “changeling” business under the rug, “have you made it to Lokryn’s Academy yet? If so, have you learned anything useful about the Itholids?” Having lost all his trust and respect in Maldrek, Bongo immediately denies that they’ve been to the Academy. 
 * Maldrek starts throwing a tantrum, rolling on the floor and bawling, so finally to shut the welp up, Kaw telepathically fills Maldrek’s mind with all the knowledge they gained at the Academy about the Itholids and The Beholder. 
 * Maldrek’s sobbing and screaming finally cease as he ponders over the knowledge that’s been given to him. “Goodbye, Grease,” Bongo says as the party crawls out the door. 
 * The voyage to Tibet resumes. James is helming the SkyFoogle when suddenly Skimp asks her, “So tell us a bit about your sensei. Dale Cooper is his name isn’t it?” James Hurley glares down at the puny rat and replies, “Yeah, Dale Cooper is his name. He’s the finest monk I’ve ever known. I’ve had nothing but respect for him since he arrived in Tibet.” she said. Skimp nodded his head satisfied with the explanation. James continued, “Now, I don’t know what information or evidence you have against Sensei Cooper, or where you got it from, but it is dead wrong.” Skimp ignored this odd statement, then climbed back up to the crow’s nest, in search of Little Man.
 * After several days of calm sailing, the Skyfoogle glides through a giant veil of morning mist. On the other side of the mist, the magnificent mountainous islands of Tibet are revealed below. James recognizes her homeland instantly, swelling with joy, and steers the ship down towards one of the islands in a rapid nosedive, the crew hangs on for dear life. James brings the foogle into a sudden stop right next to the main monk temple in Tibet known as The White Lodge. She slammed her fist down onto the deck of the ship, sending out a massive shockwave that blasted all of the bois off of the SkyFoogle and through the air. They all landed gracefully into the lodge. 
 * Wasting no time, James charged into the main chamber where Coop was standing, sipping a cup of hot black coffee. The bois struggled to keep up with the lightning fast speed of James Hurley. “COOP!” she yelled with glee upon seeing her master once again. A charming smile rising to his lips, Cooper welcomes his finest pupil with open arms. “HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," he bellows as the two embrace. "It’s great to see you again, James. It’s been too long. I only wish that you were here on a less serious matter.” Coop said, patting James on the shoulder. He turned to the rest of the bois, “And it’s nice to meet you all as well.”
 * Bongo approached the sensei and offered a thumbs up.
 * “Faffielf has had enough with the chit chat. Having devoured Hei Hei, his only source of nourishment, the starving cat demands that some grubb gets goin’. Jon, still trapped within the depths of Rosen’s Closet with Plank, sobs for his precious BOY to return. Meanwhile, Hanson and Bill Gates are dabbing HARD.” Kaw mutters to himself, hunched over his Chromie, on the Faffilef Slides. Coop gets on his Chromie and banhammers Kaw from the slides. Kaw hangs his head in disappointment.
 * "Alright fellas. Let's get down to business, " said Cooper. The old monk explains that evil entities known as The Woodsmen have been slowly corrupting his mind and they’ve begun to fully take over Coop’s body. According to the sensei, everyone has an inner-Woodsmen within their soul. A few Tibetan monks have already succumbed to The Woodsmen’s evil influence, and it’s only a matter of time before Cooper does as well.  
 * Coop tasks the party to ring the two ancient bells, the Bell of Enlightenment and the Bell of Forethought. According to him, doing so will banish The Woodsmen from the souls of the Tibetan monks and save them. "There isn't much time," Cooper told them in a pained voice. "I can feel my mind slipping... my soul being consumed..." Alarmed, James wrangled up all the Bois and, holding them firmly under her arm, charged out of The White Lodge back to The Foogle. 
 * Their first stop is the Bell of Enlightenment. James pilots the Foogle towards one of the smaller islands of Tibet. On the island is a single shrine that looks like it had been abandoned for quite some time. Inside this ancient shrine they discover a massive bell that seems to resonate with a mystical energy. Wasting no time, James BOOSHED the Bell of Enlightenment, sending a shock wave of sound across Tibet. Back onto the ship they scrambled, setting sail towards the Bell of Forethought. Yet again they find a desolate shrine containing a massive bell. Booshing the second bell, the Bois raced back to the White Lodge to find Cooper.
 * "Hey," said Kaw with narrowed eyes, glaring over at Skimp who was hunched behind some barrels. "What're you doin' over there, rat?" Skimp looked up abruptly, and Kaw saw that the rouge was eating a rusty can of creamed corn with an equally rusty spoon. "Nothin!" the ratfolk lied, hiding the creamed corn behind his back, but it was too late. Bongo had seen the can in Skimp's grabby hands, and without hesitation he charged at the rat, screaming, "GARMONBOZIA!" With a terrified scream Skimp dashed away from Bongo, tossing the rusty can of creamed corn over the side of the ship. Agonized, Bongo peered over the side of the ship and watched as the rusty can plummeted. After a moment Bongo snapped out of it and, with nothing better to do, started breakdancing with Kaw and Aigee. 
 * At last reaching the White Lodge, the adventurers barged into the temple. "COOP!" James Hurley cried, but her shout was met with silence.

[Finish this at some point]